Sign ideas

[Eye Candy]

My wife and I have been putting up messages on our street sign twice a week for the past two years of a "pot stirring" or comical nature. We are starting to run out of fresh ideas.
Anyone have a favorite saying or idea?
My wife's favorites:
-This week's special: Pirates! Half off on eye exams! (we live in the town where blackbeard's ship was discovered)
-Nausea, diarrhea? While you wait we have clean restrooms!

[Zoomie]

"I ask for nothing. And you shall receive it, in abundance!"
Riff-Raff to Frankenfurter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show

[Eye Candy]

Already used:
-Afterism: A clever statement you think of too late to use.
-You might be a ditdotter if: a seagull has ever crapped on your head while feeding it french fries. (Ditdotter is a local term for out of town people unfamiliar with coastal life)
-You might need a checkup if: you use hula hoops to keep your socks up.
-Until I was 13 I thought my name was Shut Up. (Joe Namath). BTW the college football game of the decade is on tonight, USC vs Texas.
-Start every day with a smile and get it over with. (W.C. Fields)
-Honk if you have been married to Dr. Gray
-Alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse

[EdHahn]

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." --Voltaire

[Eye Candy]

"Don't pull out too much hose until you know where the fire is" (John Madden during Monday Night Football). God I will miss him.

[smoseley]

"Have more kids! Our supply is running short!"

That'll stir some pots.

[008]

Elise related:
“There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.”
Ernest Hemingway

Funny ones:
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys...
The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of
smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but
*******s.

If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut

To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To
Me

Illiterate? Write For Help

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It
Wrong...

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

[Eye Candy]

Amnesia: a condition that allows women to have sex again after childbirth.

[zOOmz]

It is too bad that men can't experience having a bowling bowl coming out of their uh, groin, then they wouldn't give *amnesia* so often.

[MickOpalak]

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Roll Over!

[zOOmz]

Southern Medical Teminology:

Benign..................... What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria................... Back door to cafeteria
Barium..................... What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section........... A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.................... Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize.................. Made eye contact with her.
Colic...................... A sheep dog.
Coma....................... A punctuation mark.
D&C........................ Where Washington is.
Dilate..................... To live long.
Enema...................... Not a friend.
Fester..................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula..................... A small lie.
Genital.................... Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series................. World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail................... What you hang your coat on.
Impotent................... Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain................. Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.............. A Doctor's cane.
Morbid..................... A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient................. A person who has fainted.
Pelvis..................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative............. A letter carrier.
Recovery Room.............. Place to do upholstery.
Secretion.................. Hiding something
Seizure.................... Roman emperor.
Tablet..................... A small table.
Terminal Illness........... Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor...................... More than one.
Varicose................... Near by/close by

[Eye Candy]

[quote=zOOmz]Southern Medical Teminology:

Classics with a twist:
Cesarean Section........... A neighborhood in Rome.
"Can you still be elected president if you worn born Cesarean?"

Enema...................... Not a friend.
"Confucius say enemy who sneak up behind, like many enema."

[RacyTracy]

"Hey!! Watch where you're going!!"

"See other side" (on both sides)

[smoseley]

Originally Posted by zOOmz

It is too bad that men can't experience having a bowling bowl coming out of their uh, groin, then they wouldn't give *amnesia* so often.

Do you have kids?

[JnC]

Oldies but goodies...

"All your base are belong to us"
"Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!"
"Don't read this. And if you do, don't blog about it."
"Horn broke. Watch for finger."
"My juvenile delinquent beat up your honor student."
"At Microsoft, Quality is Job 1.04b2 service pack 5"

[Eye Candy]

[quote=JnC]Oldies but goodies...


"My juvenile delinquent beat up your honor student."

Showoff: a child that is more gifted than your own.

[Eye Candy]

Originally Posted by RacyTracy

"See other side" (on both sides)

They would drive around the block twice!

Always open. Closed weekends.

[JnC]

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want"
"A Pessimist is an Optimist who's been around"

[Eye Candy]

[quote=JnC]"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want"

Experience is what you get when you exercise bad judgement.

[JnC]

"Yes I am old. And your music really does suck."