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Wingless Wonder
1988 Esprit Turbo
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Stop or Slow Down

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia.


The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?"


The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."


The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."


"You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.


The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."


The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it.


The sheriff says, "Now tell me, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
 

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rotfl

That happened to me however not as extreme. Lotus Dave's wife put that cop in his place very quickly. :bow:
 

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rotfl

That happened to me however not as extreme. Lotus Dave's wife put that cop in his place very quickly. :bow:
Care to share that story?
 

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Local cop stopped Robert [Type 82] leaving a ice racing venue. Robert ran a stop sign. My wife works for a supreme court judge who signs warrants for the police quite often. She talked to the cop and he let Robert go, no ticket. It pays to have a wife in the court system, sometimes.

Dave
90SE
 

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This is great from my focus forum
New Element discovered.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.


Sent from AutoGuide.com App
 

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Old man trying to set a password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: The password must be more than eight characters

User: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: The password must contain one numerical number

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: The password cannot have blank spaces

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: The password must contain at least one upper case character

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: The password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: The password cannot contain punctuation

USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccesNow

WINDOWS: That password is already in use

Credit:
My friend Bunyoch from Wales, Scotland
Audi forum Nogsport.com
 

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I actually used a similar password when a yahoo glitch blocked me.

Told me my 100 character password wasn't secure enough.
 

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This is great from my focus forum
New Element discovered.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.


Sent from AutoGuide.com App
 

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To the tune of "Do Your Ears Hang Low"

Do your balls hang low?
Do they dangle to and fro?

Do they drag across the floor?
Do they get closed in the door!?

Do your balls-hang-low?

Do your balls hang low?
Do they dangle to and fro?

Do they bounce down the street?
Do they tangle in your feet!?

Do your balls-hang-low?

Do your balls hang low?
Do they dangle to and fro?

Does one hang lower than the other?
Does it look like your mother!?

Do your balls-hang-low!?
 

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A baby duck and a baby skunk meet on the street one day, minutes after their respective mothers were run over and killed by a car.

"Oh no," said the baby duck. "I don't know what kind of animal I am! What do eat? What am I supposed to do?"

"Don't worry," said the baby skunk. "Let's describe each other and figure out. I'll go first. OK, you're yellow, you have a bill, webbed feet, and go QUACK. You must be ... a duck!!!!:

The duck got very excited. "OK, my turn!! Let's seen, you're not totally black, you're not totally white, and you smell like sh*t...You must be a ----!!!!!!!"
 

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A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair; she lets out a sigh heavy with frustation.
"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior, "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was, sighed the Sister, "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superir, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"
"Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green... and I hit the drive of my life, I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the faiway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother.
"But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering wether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops down ot of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"
"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... "You missed the ****ing putt, didn't you?"
 

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Have you seen Shameless?

You really need to learn all the slang.
There are not just double meanings, but triple sometimes.
This even applies to mainstream shows like Are You Being Served?

I had to look up a lot of things watching Skins.
 
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